Wednesday, September 8, 2010

11:24 AM EST

(over Colorado or Utah) [Comment: SO excited to read this part of the journey! I’ve forgotten most of what that was like.]

I am such a hot mess right now. Books and folders spilling out my seat pocket, dropped a Meyers-Briggs book and grabbed someone’s foot by accident while looking for it, can’t connect to the WiFi on my phone to start and finish alcohol edu (which needs to be done by Sunday, which means I need to finish it today.)

Haven’t really registered that I won’t be home until Thanksgiving yet.

Or maybe I have and decided not to make a big deal of it—idk.

I cried briefly after Mom, Dad and Allie left the airport—mostly for Allie.

Slept on and off for 4 hours (am buying sleeping pills next time).

Excited.

Slept in Nicholas’ room every night since he left: a) didn’t want to get sad over my room; b) wanted to be closer to the rest of the family.

Things I still need:

[Indent] -sleeping mask

-cologne

-Y Tu Mama Tambien

11:18 PST

I am an idiot already—got on the wrong BART train—will miss 11:31 CalTrain—wait for an hour [Comment: 1) Story of my Stanford life; 2) It wasn’t the wrong BART—I just didn’t hear the announcement to get off at San Bruno to transfer for the Millbrae train.]

Fuck.

On a different note, what a successful first quarter would be: 

• not vomiting or passing out 
• Not coming onto anyone I would regret [Comment: That’s a mighty short list]

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

0:20 AM (9/15)

Good, but insane day. Okay night.

Roommate is 20 y/o Singaporean (served in military for 2 years)—really nice. Likes Gaga, too. Name is Kai.

SPOT was awesome. More tomorrow.

Saying goodbye wasn’t so hard.

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

9:55

Annoyed that I haven’t had as much alone time and/or time to do what I want so far:

Last night we learned house cheers then spend ~2 hours in a rally outside (running around/the entire school did—can’t explain it) I was tired, felt cold coming and just wanted to stay inside.

Today, no access to dorms from 10:30 – dinner.

Still need to unpack and buy things and set up comp.

0:12 (9/16)

Today went much better than I thought it would.

Biked down University Avenue to Palo Alto today—so nice to get out of the bubble and be in a quasi urban enviro. [Comment: Did I really start feeling the bubble three days in?!]

Saw Nina, Amanda, Kareem, Julia, Valeria and many others I know.

Grew friendlier with those in my dorm.

Went to “Faces” a diversity showcase and had a nice discussion with dorm after.

So much to do. So excited.

Room unpacked and decorated, mostly.

Sunday, September 19, 2010

23:40

Classes start tomorrow. So excited. All I have is Italian, but that’s enough for me.

Disorientation starts in 20 minutes (getting drunk)—I’m not going.

To reuse the words of my peers, all in all: [Comment: Sidenote: “Sir Psycho Sexy” is playing as I write, and this distinctly reminds me of flying out to California for SPOT]

• I'm nervous about nothing and excited about everything  
• scared this will stop feeling like a vacation  
• worried I won’t get to take all the classes, meet all the people and do all the things Stanford has to offer  
• So excited by how diverse this dorm is and looking forward to having me life changed by these people

Saturday, September 23, 2010

(1:57 AM – 9/26)

I was ~depressed because:

·      I still haven’t found someone to love—or even to hookup with

·      I wasn’t drunk

·      those in A-haus who were drunk never asked me if I wanted to join

But I now realize where my support group lies—Andrea, Mailyn, Kai, Qihan, Conner, Ava et. al—I’ll find romance (or lust) soon and a group of friends and things to do and places to drink—it just takes time.

And I know I need to stay with the Lord and trust him—and hard as it is, I will

Sunday, September 26, 2010

13:13

It’s amazing how quickly a week/3 weeks have gone by.

At the moment, considering dropping the 3 unit public speaking course I’m enrolled in because:

• I don’t feel like thinking of a 2-3 minute “narrative” to tell—and I have to practice it before 3 PM tomorrow, when I have an appointment with a tutor
• It runs from 7:30-10 on Wednesdays
• I kind of want to take things easy this quarter
• I’d like to apply for a column in the Daily and run for Frosh Council rep on the ASSU

I’m going to stick with it for at least another week, I think.

I went to a gay Happy House on Fri—it was my first (and only alc so far). It was the focus/spark of my day from Wed, when I found out about it until I got there.

But I felt shy and went straight for the vodka . Alternated between following X around and ignoring him; unsuccessfully tried to entire a circle. Befriended a drunk girl who was also shy.

Biked with [X] back to FloMo, met [Y] a gay frosh from [Z] (hot); chilled for ~an hour --> drink with the heteronormal party crew of Alondra --> LGBT Center with [X] and [Y].

Wanted to dance close and slow with [Y]—or close and fast. Couldn’t muster up the courage—did ~at end—awk. 

Next day (ieri), while [Y] @ Scavenger Hunt, left my $ under his door—no response. Feel awk again.

martedi il 28 settembre 2010

23:12

My days have gotten much better.

Sun:

biked to Palo A lot, developed photos at CVS, spent ~3 hours in Caffe del Doge finishing my Bible reading, drinking Freddo del Doge (iced double shot espresso in a martini glass), doing the Sunday Crossword & drinking Pelligrino. -->Black Student Union where I learned about “stereotype threat” and had my perspective changed.

Ieri:

Had mini crisis when I felt underwhelmed with workload, then realized I can join clubs, explore the campus, meet people and concentrated on doing really well in my 4 classes.

At lunch, ran into [Y] ~awk, ate lunch together—can’t figure out how genuine his “sorry—I forgot to text you” was, but it’s better than nothing

Spent the afternoon talking with people, read newspaper on a bench near Green Library, listened to 2 spotlights at dinner, went to the Daily meeting for frosh and got really excited about journaling again, shot hoops with Qihan for ~45 minutes and talked—it was really therapeutic and I like him so much --> fountain hopping with Alondra (greatest single thing I’ve ever done—it felt so great and was so refreshing, crazy, quintessentially Stanford).

Today:

Ran into Meredith after Ital and had lunch at Tresidder—so much fun—walked her back to Uj [Comment: That was that long ago?! It really felt like it could’ve happened any quarter—even late winter quarter].

Awk --> fun “Dream Team” session

Heard lecture on the Hebrew Bible and Genesis that was positively provocative and got me really excited for religious studies.

Watched Glee @ CASA—Britney Spears episode—SO GOOD.

Did Ital, got bored, walked around, hung out in Julia’s room for a while.

Journaling on catwalk right now—so nice. [Comment: I believe Mailyn caught me up here that night and said she liked writing up there, too.]

So excited for all that the future holds.